Thursday, October 29, 2009
"Acts of Service Kindness Tree"
This year we hope that we have all had a chance to “Yield our Hearts unto God.” As we conclude this year, we ask each of you to choose an act of service from the “Acts of Kindness Tree” and serve one another. We will be asking you to share examples of how these acts of service and monthly ward themes have touched your hearts. We would love to have children's drawings, written stories, and any expressions that can fit on a half sheet of paper. Please return these experiences to a member of the Relief Society Presidency by December 1st. These experiences will be recorded in a ward keepsake book. Please limit them to half a sheet of paper or email your thoughts to allisonbryceowen@yahoo.com.
Siblings Sharing With Siblings...
How can I get my children to have more love for one another and show it more often? How can they become more charitable towards their family members?
Sharing and caring is not natural to most young children, but there is a way to help this principle become more a part of their characters. Simple, repetitive experiences in sharing will go a long way to move a child to understand the tremendous importance of patience, splitting treasures down the middle for another’s enjoyment, and giving up what they own to another.
We introduce this skill by helping young children desire to share temporarily, to share by dividing, and then to share by giving away. Most children don’t learn the skill of sharing until they feel a sense of ownership. In other words, real sharing can only follow real ownership. So first you help the child to understand that, yes, his birthday gifts belong to him. Yes, they are his to use as he desires, and yes he may not choose to share right away. It is important he have a period of feeling in control of his possessions for then he can truly share them.
At the same time, to teach the skill of sharing, you can also casually converse by using sharing examples from your own life. So when Jared refuses to share his new toys with his brothers, you might say, “Wow, I sure appreciate it when someone shares with me. Just last night, Dad divided his cake in half and gave me part to eat. And yesterday, Marci let Jason hold her special doll for a minute, and Friday Elizabeth decided to give away two books she had finished reading.”
Then, to continue to impress the need for this skill in the lives of your children, you can generously share with them. “Jared, there is only one peach left and I know that you really like fresh peaches. I would be happy to split it with you. Here, take this bigger half.” Over and over again, you model sharing. You share with your spouse, with your peers, and with your children. You also talk about sharing whenever possible. It is only then that you can begin to impress the need for sharing upon your children.
When teaching the variabilities of sharing, first teach children how to share when there will be no personal loss.
For example, two children might each be given six crackers in a clear Ziploc bag, but each child has a unique kind of cracker. By each sharing three crackers with their companion they each still have six crackers, just three of each kind.
After children feel comfortable with sharing when there will be differences but not loss, then give children the chance to share when there will be no personal loss, but the results will not be even.
For example, two children might each be given five crackers in a clear Ziploc bag, with each child having a unique kind of cracker. Now the children will still have five crackers when they share, but they will have two of one kind of cracker and three of the other kind.
Finally, give children the chance to share when they will experience some personal loss. This is an interesting situation and often one that will need to be repeated over and over again, sometimes with the children on the gain end of division, and sometimes on the loss end of division.
For example, one child might be given six crackers and the second child be given five crackers. Now when they attempt to share, the six-cracker child can divide evenly but the five-cracker child will have to decide whether to give up three and keep two or keep three while she gives up two.
Initially, offer the opportunity to the five-cracker child to share more abundantly with the second child with words such as,
“Barbara, its Jody’s birthday today. How about letting her have the extra cracker from your bag?”
Barbara may or may not share in this way, but you have modeled a possible opportunity of sharing.
Creative children might take the extra cracker and divide it in half, thus solving the problem of uneven opportunity. If they do, applaud their creativity even as they share. If they keep the majority of the crackers and share the minority of the crackers, don’t despair, there will be plenty of chances for future sharing experiences, especially if you continually provide such opportunities day to day. If the children prove to be generous, you might say,
“Barbara, you were so generous today with your crackers, I think I will give you a generous portion of dessert tonight. Wow, I was just so impressed when I saw you share in this way.”
If they don’t feel and act as generously as you would like, you could proffer,
“Barbara, sometimes sharing your extras is hard. Maybe another day you will feel more like giving up the extra cracker. And sometimes Jody will feel like giving up her abundance.”
Sharing and caring is not natural to most young children, but there is a way to help this principle become more a part of their characters. Simple, repetitive experiences in sharing will go a long way to move a child to understand the tremendous importance of patience, splitting treasures down the middle for another’s enjoyment, and giving up what they own to another.
We introduce this skill by helping young children desire to share temporarily, to share by dividing, and then to share by giving away. Most children don’t learn the skill of sharing until they feel a sense of ownership. In other words, real sharing can only follow real ownership. So first you help the child to understand that, yes, his birthday gifts belong to him. Yes, they are his to use as he desires, and yes he may not choose to share right away. It is important he have a period of feeling in control of his possessions for then he can truly share them.
At the same time, to teach the skill of sharing, you can also casually converse by using sharing examples from your own life. So when Jared refuses to share his new toys with his brothers, you might say, “Wow, I sure appreciate it when someone shares with me. Just last night, Dad divided his cake in half and gave me part to eat. And yesterday, Marci let Jason hold her special doll for a minute, and Friday Elizabeth decided to give away two books she had finished reading.”
Then, to continue to impress the need for this skill in the lives of your children, you can generously share with them. “Jared, there is only one peach left and I know that you really like fresh peaches. I would be happy to split it with you. Here, take this bigger half.” Over and over again, you model sharing. You share with your spouse, with your peers, and with your children. You also talk about sharing whenever possible. It is only then that you can begin to impress the need for sharing upon your children.
When teaching the variabilities of sharing, first teach children how to share when there will be no personal loss.
For example, two children might each be given six crackers in a clear Ziploc bag, but each child has a unique kind of cracker. By each sharing three crackers with their companion they each still have six crackers, just three of each kind.
After children feel comfortable with sharing when there will be differences but not loss, then give children the chance to share when there will be no personal loss, but the results will not be even.
For example, two children might each be given five crackers in a clear Ziploc bag, with each child having a unique kind of cracker. Now the children will still have five crackers when they share, but they will have two of one kind of cracker and three of the other kind.
Finally, give children the chance to share when they will experience some personal loss. This is an interesting situation and often one that will need to be repeated over and over again, sometimes with the children on the gain end of division, and sometimes on the loss end of division.
For example, one child might be given six crackers and the second child be given five crackers. Now when they attempt to share, the six-cracker child can divide evenly but the five-cracker child will have to decide whether to give up three and keep two or keep three while she gives up two.
Initially, offer the opportunity to the five-cracker child to share more abundantly with the second child with words such as,
“Barbara, its Jody’s birthday today. How about letting her have the extra cracker from your bag?”
Barbara may or may not share in this way, but you have modeled a possible opportunity of sharing.
Creative children might take the extra cracker and divide it in half, thus solving the problem of uneven opportunity. If they do, applaud their creativity even as they share. If they keep the majority of the crackers and share the minority of the crackers, don’t despair, there will be plenty of chances for future sharing experiences, especially if you continually provide such opportunities day to day. If the children prove to be generous, you might say,
“Barbara, you were so generous today with your crackers, I think I will give you a generous portion of dessert tonight. Wow, I was just so impressed when I saw you share in this way.”
If they don’t feel and act as generously as you would like, you could proffer,
“Barbara, sometimes sharing your extras is hard. Maybe another day you will feel more like giving up the extra cracker. And sometimes Jody will feel like giving up her abundance.”
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Getting Children to Help with Chores
What is the best way to get children to help with chores. Charts, points etc. What seems to work the best?
Parents would be wise, especially with younger children, to provide a visual aid to help the child see his progress, his accomplishes and to remind him of his jobs. Stickers on charts, colored-in graphs, or any other measuring tool that indicates to the child he is improving will provide great motivation. You may also want to associate certain jobs with certain treats. A bed made gets a big double kiss on each ear, the dishes done right and in a timely manner merits reading with Mom for ten minutes, and hanging up your towel after bathing is good for a bit of perfumed lotion for the girls and a splash of aftershave for the boys.
Children will get bored with charts and graphs if two additional elements are not present. Remember, after a while just adding stars to a chart is not enough. From the beginning, there needs to be a goal.
“David, this week we are working on making your bed in the morning. You have three other jobs during the day, too. I have made up a chart to show your jobs and you can add one gold star each time I have inspected your work and passed you off. Seven stars are good for a treat from the candy jar. Twenty-eight stars, or doing all your four jobs for a full week, merits a trip to the ice cream store with Dad.”
Also, parents need to be sensitive to children needing to move from one set of jobs to another as they mature, have a birthday, or get bored with the current motivational system. You might remove jobs they are doing quite regularly off the chart and add new ones.
“David, you have made your bed and done your other three jobs for a full month. Wow, you have also gone with Dad four times to the ice cream store! Now it is time to take those jobs off the chart and add several more. Would you be willing to empty the dishwasher in the morning of the silverware and put it away? We will make this a new entry on your job chart.
“No, we won’t have to keep adding stars for the jobs you do well. They are part of your personal habits now. But, if you keep doing your four jobs and also do this new one each day, we will add one star for your four jobs and another one for the new job you are training to do. Again, seven stars if good for a candy treat and fourteen stars, or doing all your previous jobs and also the new ones with competence, will merit another weekly trip to the ice cream store with Dad.”
Even with charts and other aids in place, children enjoy other motivators to keep it lively and interesting. For example, how about using a timer?
“Brian, can you get your job done in ten minutes and receive a chocolate chip treat? How about if we make this job worth ten chocolate chips? Every minute past ten minutes it takes you to finish the job, we will minus one chocolate chip and every minute faster you are we will add one chip?”
Or, how about using the clock as a motivator?
“Tyler, can you get the dishes done before the clock shows ‘1:11’? That will means you have 10 minutes to do a great job. I’ll even throw in a bonus sticker if you don’t complain and finish up before that clock says 1:11.”
Or how about connecting a cleanup job with an upcoming event?
“Dad has just called. Do you think we can pick up the toys in the family room before he walks in the door from work? If so, I’ll let you fill in another square on your graph? Yes, Marci, you can help, too. I’ll even pick up ten toys to help you get a good start. Ready? Let’s get started!”
Take care now, Sister M
Address your questions to marie@houseoforder.com
Parents would be wise, especially with younger children, to provide a visual aid to help the child see his progress, his accomplishes and to remind him of his jobs. Stickers on charts, colored-in graphs, or any other measuring tool that indicates to the child he is improving will provide great motivation. You may also want to associate certain jobs with certain treats. A bed made gets a big double kiss on each ear, the dishes done right and in a timely manner merits reading with Mom for ten minutes, and hanging up your towel after bathing is good for a bit of perfumed lotion for the girls and a splash of aftershave for the boys.
Children will get bored with charts and graphs if two additional elements are not present. Remember, after a while just adding stars to a chart is not enough. From the beginning, there needs to be a goal.
“David, this week we are working on making your bed in the morning. You have three other jobs during the day, too. I have made up a chart to show your jobs and you can add one gold star each time I have inspected your work and passed you off. Seven stars are good for a treat from the candy jar. Twenty-eight stars, or doing all your four jobs for a full week, merits a trip to the ice cream store with Dad.”
Also, parents need to be sensitive to children needing to move from one set of jobs to another as they mature, have a birthday, or get bored with the current motivational system. You might remove jobs they are doing quite regularly off the chart and add new ones.
“David, you have made your bed and done your other three jobs for a full month. Wow, you have also gone with Dad four times to the ice cream store! Now it is time to take those jobs off the chart and add several more. Would you be willing to empty the dishwasher in the morning of the silverware and put it away? We will make this a new entry on your job chart.
“No, we won’t have to keep adding stars for the jobs you do well. They are part of your personal habits now. But, if you keep doing your four jobs and also do this new one each day, we will add one star for your four jobs and another one for the new job you are training to do. Again, seven stars if good for a candy treat and fourteen stars, or doing all your previous jobs and also the new ones with competence, will merit another weekly trip to the ice cream store with Dad.”
Even with charts and other aids in place, children enjoy other motivators to keep it lively and interesting. For example, how about using a timer?
“Brian, can you get your job done in ten minutes and receive a chocolate chip treat? How about if we make this job worth ten chocolate chips? Every minute past ten minutes it takes you to finish the job, we will minus one chocolate chip and every minute faster you are we will add one chip?”
Or, how about using the clock as a motivator?
“Tyler, can you get the dishes done before the clock shows ‘1:11’? That will means you have 10 minutes to do a great job. I’ll even throw in a bonus sticker if you don’t complain and finish up before that clock says 1:11.”
Or how about connecting a cleanup job with an upcoming event?
“Dad has just called. Do you think we can pick up the toys in the family room before he walks in the door from work? If so, I’ll let you fill in another square on your graph? Yes, Marci, you can help, too. I’ll even pick up ten toys to help you get a good start. Ready? Let’s get started!”
Take care now, Sister M
Address your questions to marie@houseoforder.com
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Catching up?
I am amazed late, at the number of people that I talk to, that all say that they feel as if they can never catch up. Is our society on fast forward? Is Satan getting the best of us by keeping us so busy? Sister M
The feelings we experience of anxiety, frustration, and stress from never being caught up are common to all women, especially in the Church. Yes, we can work faster, plan better, and keep at our tasks longer, but for the most part, I have found most women need to shed some of their current activities in order to have a more peaceful, productive life.
When I counsel women, we work to shave off 10% of their current responsibilities. This makes a tremendous difference in their workload and pressures. They actually begin to feel in control, capacitated, and productive. For instance, we lower standards for fanciness (just a handout next time they teach instead of a handout, treat, and visual aids), we work to do twice as much half as often (such as when cooking meals), and we do repetitive activities with the thought of making it professional (the usefulness of permanent lists and printed forms comes into play here).
I have also found that too many women are trying to have all of life's seasons at the same time. If you are single, enjoy that season. If you are a young mother, enjoy that season and focus on being a great mother for the next however many years. If you are an empty nester, enjoy the freedom and focus on pleasures and possibilities that only that season brings. In any season, some things have to be left undone and some things can be discarded because of lack of interest. You don't have to be like anyone else. You can be just you.
I remember the moment recently when I realized, again, that is it up to me to say "no", "later", "maybe never" when life's many possibilities crowded too close to what mattered most to me. No I won't learn to play the harp right now, yes I will accept an invitation to spend an evening out with sister, no I won't accept that party invitation but will send a gift instead. Yes, I will teach, but will ask for help with handouts and room setup. I can choose. I must. Life is sweet, but we must keep it that way with plenty of firm "nos" so we can enjoy all the possible "yeses."
Take care now, Sister M
Address your questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
The feelings we experience of anxiety, frustration, and stress from never being caught up are common to all women, especially in the Church. Yes, we can work faster, plan better, and keep at our tasks longer, but for the most part, I have found most women need to shed some of their current activities in order to have a more peaceful, productive life.
When I counsel women, we work to shave off 10% of their current responsibilities. This makes a tremendous difference in their workload and pressures. They actually begin to feel in control, capacitated, and productive. For instance, we lower standards for fanciness (just a handout next time they teach instead of a handout, treat, and visual aids), we work to do twice as much half as often (such as when cooking meals), and we do repetitive activities with the thought of making it professional (the usefulness of permanent lists and printed forms comes into play here).
I have also found that too many women are trying to have all of life's seasons at the same time. If you are single, enjoy that season. If you are a young mother, enjoy that season and focus on being a great mother for the next however many years. If you are an empty nester, enjoy the freedom and focus on pleasures and possibilities that only that season brings. In any season, some things have to be left undone and some things can be discarded because of lack of interest. You don't have to be like anyone else. You can be just you.
I remember the moment recently when I realized, again, that is it up to me to say "no", "later", "maybe never" when life's many possibilities crowded too close to what mattered most to me. No I won't learn to play the harp right now, yes I will accept an invitation to spend an evening out with sister, no I won't accept that party invitation but will send a gift instead. Yes, I will teach, but will ask for help with handouts and room setup. I can choose. I must. Life is sweet, but we must keep it that way with plenty of firm "nos" so we can enjoy all the possible "yeses."
Take care now, Sister M
Address your questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Children's Chores
In one of your stake classes, you mentioned a system you had for children’s chores and how you divvy those up between children. Could you give a quick reminder? Thanks! Sister J.
Yes, chores for children are so very important. A conversation I overhead last night confirmed this. A missionary was asked what had helped him prepare to serve a successful mission and his reply was having to do chores consistently at home during his growing up years.
Here are the principles. Every child should have daily chores. Smaller children so simpler jobs like push in the chairs after a meal, empty the bathroom wastebasket, make their bed, and put their toys away before dinner. Older children has more complex jobs like empty the dishwasher, clear the table after dinner, and straighten their bedroom. Teenagers’ jobs are even more weighty with jobs for fixing meals, washing dishes, putting the garbage to the street once a week, and maintaining the yard. These jobs are more plentiful during the summer and fewer during the school year. It is not so important what they do, but that they do each and every day.
Next, it is important that children learn what a job entails and how to finish it properly. A parent’s consistent supervision and insistent persuasion are vital here. I encourage parents to check their children’s work, pass it off, and compliment generously for progress made in quality of work, speed of completion, and doing chores without being asked.
Lastly, it is vital to set the example yourself. If you complain about doing laundry, having to clean up the kitchen, and cleaning the bathroom, they will pick up on your attitude. If you, instead, talk about turning a house into a home with your daily work and how much you appreciate your many blessings, especially the opportunity to be a homemaker and a mother, they will pick up on that outlook of life.
Remember, you are raising an army of God. Does your family meet the necessary standards for hard work, diligent labor, and steadiness for those will be called to serve the Lord? It is a goal worthy of some contemplation.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to HYPERLINK "mailto:marie@houseoforder.com" marie@houseoforder.com.
Yes, chores for children are so very important. A conversation I overhead last night confirmed this. A missionary was asked what had helped him prepare to serve a successful mission and his reply was having to do chores consistently at home during his growing up years.
Here are the principles. Every child should have daily chores. Smaller children so simpler jobs like push in the chairs after a meal, empty the bathroom wastebasket, make their bed, and put their toys away before dinner. Older children has more complex jobs like empty the dishwasher, clear the table after dinner, and straighten their bedroom. Teenagers’ jobs are even more weighty with jobs for fixing meals, washing dishes, putting the garbage to the street once a week, and maintaining the yard. These jobs are more plentiful during the summer and fewer during the school year. It is not so important what they do, but that they do each and every day.
Next, it is important that children learn what a job entails and how to finish it properly. A parent’s consistent supervision and insistent persuasion are vital here. I encourage parents to check their children’s work, pass it off, and compliment generously for progress made in quality of work, speed of completion, and doing chores without being asked.
Lastly, it is vital to set the example yourself. If you complain about doing laundry, having to clean up the kitchen, and cleaning the bathroom, they will pick up on your attitude. If you, instead, talk about turning a house into a home with your daily work and how much you appreciate your many blessings, especially the opportunity to be a homemaker and a mother, they will pick up on that outlook of life.
Remember, you are raising an army of God. Does your family meet the necessary standards for hard work, diligent labor, and steadiness for those will be called to serve the Lord? It is a goal worthy of some contemplation.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to HYPERLINK "mailto:marie@houseoforder.com" marie@houseoforder.com.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Enjoying Motherhood.
Any great ideas on avoiding burnout? Raising children for me is a difficult task and I don't find myself enjoying the ride as much as I should. I often feel that I was probably better suited for working outside the home, even though I have been a stay at home mom for 10 years. I know it's the better and right way, any ideas to simply enjoy my job as a mother more? Sister A
Being a mother and a wife are two of the most complex careers a woman engages in so it takes a foresighted woman to avoid burnout . My own experience has shown that a woman must take care of herself first if she is to survive and thrive through the challenges of marriage, childbearing, and child-rearing. I suggest a restructuring of your day to include (at the beginning or near the beginning) four vital areas of focus for personal fulfillment and capacity. I call these the essentials to start the day RIGHT.
Scriptures, prayer, and journaling – Somehow giving the Lord a few minutes at the beginning of the day to recalibrate your goals and desires to His own makes all the difference. Seeking His help, reading His manual, and writing out your own feelings are critical to perception and balance.
Sweat – everyone needs to move their bodies. This might be simply running up and down the stairs ten times when you first wake up because you can’t leave your home (bad weather, tiny baby, sleeping children). It might mean a more lengthy absence from the home, but it doesn’t need to be fancy or long to wake up your soul.
Sweet – shower and dress in nice clothes. (Get rid of your uglies. We all have them and they are depressing. Dress up for your children and especially your husband because they are your highest priority. I don’t mean fancy clothes, I just mean your pretties casual clothes. Then brush your hair nicely and add happy lipstick.)
Smile – you are the one that creates the tone of today. With your own needs fulfilled, you will find it easier to take care of others’ needs. (And remember to say to yourself, “I am awesome and I’m going to have an awesome day!”)
Yes, this means getting up a bit before the rest of the family so you are set and ready for them when they arise. Alternately, you might give your spouse stewardship over the family for the first half hour of the day so you can attend to your needs. When this is not possible, get everyone up and gone that is leaving and then take care of your own needs first. It seems backwards and on occasion you will still be in your pajamas at dinnertime, but for the most part get ready for the day at the beginning of the day. Burnout will lessen when you are ready to meet the challenges head on and motherhood will always be more enjoyable.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
Being a mother and a wife are two of the most complex careers a woman engages in so it takes a foresighted woman to avoid burnout . My own experience has shown that a woman must take care of herself first if she is to survive and thrive through the challenges of marriage, childbearing, and child-rearing. I suggest a restructuring of your day to include (at the beginning or near the beginning) four vital areas of focus for personal fulfillment and capacity. I call these the essentials to start the day RIGHT.
Scriptures, prayer, and journaling – Somehow giving the Lord a few minutes at the beginning of the day to recalibrate your goals and desires to His own makes all the difference. Seeking His help, reading His manual, and writing out your own feelings are critical to perception and balance.
Sweat – everyone needs to move their bodies. This might be simply running up and down the stairs ten times when you first wake up because you can’t leave your home (bad weather, tiny baby, sleeping children). It might mean a more lengthy absence from the home, but it doesn’t need to be fancy or long to wake up your soul.
Sweet – shower and dress in nice clothes. (Get rid of your uglies. We all have them and they are depressing. Dress up for your children and especially your husband because they are your highest priority. I don’t mean fancy clothes, I just mean your pretties casual clothes. Then brush your hair nicely and add happy lipstick.)
Smile – you are the one that creates the tone of today. With your own needs fulfilled, you will find it easier to take care of others’ needs. (And remember to say to yourself, “I am awesome and I’m going to have an awesome day!”)
Yes, this means getting up a bit before the rest of the family so you are set and ready for them when they arise. Alternately, you might give your spouse stewardship over the family for the first half hour of the day so you can attend to your needs. When this is not possible, get everyone up and gone that is leaving and then take care of your own needs first. It seems backwards and on occasion you will still be in your pajamas at dinnertime, but for the most part get ready for the day at the beginning of the day. Burnout will lessen when you are ready to meet the challenges head on and motherhood will always be more enjoyable.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Enrichment Group Changes..Again!
Sorry to do this again but we will be changing the temple group back to the first Tuesday of the month (10:00 am session), and the third Tuesday of the month (8:00 pm session). We also are changing the picnic at the park from every Monday to every Thursday at 11:30 at the North Canterbury Park.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Ward Campout & Chili Cook-off
Come join us for the ward campout and chili cook-off August 7th-8th at Little Deer Creek Campground (near Cascade Springs). Dinner will be at 6:00 pm on Friday and breakfast at 8:30 am on Saturday. If you can't campout, at least join us for a meal or two. It takes about an hour to get there, so plan accordingly. Directions will be given out prior to the activity. Sign-ups will be going around for the chili contest, Dutch oven desserts, and family skits.
Monday, July 27, 2009
How can piano practice be more painless?
My husband and I decided a long time ago that our children could choose their extra-curricular activities and we would try to accommodate their interests and goals in life. We decided that our children would also be allowed to decide when they quit an activity (as long as they had given the activity sufficient time and effort and had met the commitment they had made i.e. stick with the team until the season's over.)
We made an exception to that rule on THE PIANO. This, we decided, was a non-negotiable activity. All our children will learn the piano. But, you guessed it, our kids hate the piano. We have tried to incentiv-ize the piano, we have tried making it fun, we have tried making it part of the daily routine, so that it seems like just another task in the day. However, our children (particularly one child) will have a crying jag about piano practice at least once a week. I am still firmly decided on them learning the piano, any great ideas to making this more painless? Sister A
Dear Sister A,
You are wise in allowing your children optional extra-curricular activities and setting parameters for both quitting and keeping commitments. You are also prudent to have piano practicing be a non-optional activity. I say that because learning a musical instrument has so many long-term benefits.
Now, what I really see as your challenge is how to motivate your children to do something they don’t want to do. What you do have to do is give your children a reason to practice the piano. The principle here is that children will do anything if the benefits are worth the misery. It is not the same with us? We seem to do whatever benefits us most, even if the cost is dear in other areas of our lives.
I would talk with your children and work out a simple plan for rewarding them for 1) practicing each weekday, 2) for practicing without being reminded, 3) for practicing without complaining, 4) for cleaning up the piano area after their practicing time, and 5) for returning and reporting that the piano practicing is done and the area is clean.
You might have a family counsel about this issues, explaining that hard things are made easier with rewards along the way and then choose as a family how to best make piano practicing the most desirable activity in your home.
For example, a wise mother might assign one point to each of the above skills: practicing, self-initiative, no complaining, cleaning up, and returning and reporting. Marbles, checker pieces, or fake money might be the tokens that are given at the end of each practice session. (Yes, a mother needs to be involved with the initial training period and occasionally thereafter as her children continue to practice the piano.) A child who has 15 points to spend at the end of the week might be allowed to watch a family video on Friday night with popcorn. Anyone who hasn’t earned enough points gets to play elsewhere in the home, but will have a chance for movies next time.
There are other example and possibilities, but the principle, again, is that piano practicing must the most important activity your child will want to do each day! Give them a good reason to do so.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
We made an exception to that rule on THE PIANO. This, we decided, was a non-negotiable activity. All our children will learn the piano. But, you guessed it, our kids hate the piano. We have tried to incentiv-ize the piano, we have tried making it fun, we have tried making it part of the daily routine, so that it seems like just another task in the day. However, our children (particularly one child) will have a crying jag about piano practice at least once a week. I am still firmly decided on them learning the piano, any great ideas to making this more painless? Sister A
Dear Sister A,
You are wise in allowing your children optional extra-curricular activities and setting parameters for both quitting and keeping commitments. You are also prudent to have piano practicing be a non-optional activity. I say that because learning a musical instrument has so many long-term benefits.
Now, what I really see as your challenge is how to motivate your children to do something they don’t want to do. What you do have to do is give your children a reason to practice the piano. The principle here is that children will do anything if the benefits are worth the misery. It is not the same with us? We seem to do whatever benefits us most, even if the cost is dear in other areas of our lives.
I would talk with your children and work out a simple plan for rewarding them for 1) practicing each weekday, 2) for practicing without being reminded, 3) for practicing without complaining, 4) for cleaning up the piano area after their practicing time, and 5) for returning and reporting that the piano practicing is done and the area is clean.
You might have a family counsel about this issues, explaining that hard things are made easier with rewards along the way and then choose as a family how to best make piano practicing the most desirable activity in your home.
For example, a wise mother might assign one point to each of the above skills: practicing, self-initiative, no complaining, cleaning up, and returning and reporting. Marbles, checker pieces, or fake money might be the tokens that are given at the end of each practice session. (Yes, a mother needs to be involved with the initial training period and occasionally thereafter as her children continue to practice the piano.) A child who has 15 points to spend at the end of the week might be allowed to watch a family video on Friday night with popcorn. Anyone who hasn’t earned enough points gets to play elsewhere in the home, but will have a chance for movies next time.
There are other example and possibilities, but the principle, again, is that piano practicing must the most important activity your child will want to do each day! Give them a good reason to do so.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Balancing Life...
My husband is very weighed down with the responsibilities of provider of the family, spending time with the children and me, and his church calling. I work very, very hard around the house trying to make sure that he has minimal chores and "honey-dos" around the house. I do almost all the yard work, my husband doesn't wash a dish, nor fold an item of laundry. It's not that he is against it, he just does not have time. To ease his load I try to ensure that he seldom to never has to do any household work. However, he is still stressed out. I feel I can't do any thing more to take things off his plate. How can he keep a balance and enjoy life, and I not feel like the hired help when I do everything around here? Sister A
Dear Sister A,
I have several suggestions to improve your current situation. First, a man should be doing something around the home every day and every week. This is because his children need to know that he is contributing to the family. Yes, they hear about him going off to "work" and then off to "church duties" but they also need to see that he helps Mom a bit. Working with Dad at housework and yard chores is also useful because it teaches by modeling. This, more than alot of talking and persuading, will help your children also want to contribute in the home.
I like your desire to make his life easy, but I also see that you are nearing burnout. There is a fine balance when our sacrifices are too significant and thus cause us to get burned, too. Our health suffers, our attitude worsens, and our souls shrivel. I would take the opportunity during a date night together to discuss with your spouse the balance which is best for your current situation. Work asks alot; church callings ask more. Extra-curricular activities, extended family obligations and desires to attend the temple, to visiting and home teaching early, and fulfill church callings to the maximum also draw from us. Remember, it is up to you to say "no", "sorry, this is not a good time", "thanks for asking but another time would be better", and "I'll have to think about that and get back to you". Your soul must be somewhat full so it can shed light onto others and fill their souls. This means some good judgment and mostly pulling back (10% is a good goal) to gain perspective, time to walk instead of always be running, and the opportunity to be a "nice" mom again. May the Lord bless your efforts. Listen carefully for answers to your prayers. They come from unexpected directions and when followed will allow you to keep up without burning down.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
Dear Sister A,
I have several suggestions to improve your current situation. First, a man should be doing something around the home every day and every week. This is because his children need to know that he is contributing to the family. Yes, they hear about him going off to "work" and then off to "church duties" but they also need to see that he helps Mom a bit. Working with Dad at housework and yard chores is also useful because it teaches by modeling. This, more than alot of talking and persuading, will help your children also want to contribute in the home.
I like your desire to make his life easy, but I also see that you are nearing burnout. There is a fine balance when our sacrifices are too significant and thus cause us to get burned, too. Our health suffers, our attitude worsens, and our souls shrivel. I would take the opportunity during a date night together to discuss with your spouse the balance which is best for your current situation. Work asks alot; church callings ask more. Extra-curricular activities, extended family obligations and desires to attend the temple, to visiting and home teaching early, and fulfill church callings to the maximum also draw from us. Remember, it is up to you to say "no", "sorry, this is not a good time", "thanks for asking but another time would be better", and "I'll have to think about that and get back to you". Your soul must be somewhat full so it can shed light onto others and fill their souls. This means some good judgment and mostly pulling back (10% is a good goal) to gain perspective, time to walk instead of always be running, and the opportunity to be a "nice" mom again. May the Lord bless your efforts. Listen carefully for answers to your prayers. They come from unexpected directions and when followed will allow you to keep up without burning down.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Just Breathe!
Quarterly Enrichment Activity September 9th at 6:30- “Just Breathe”
We are having dinner and a guest speaker Victoria Anderson. She will be talking about stress management. She has a great book that we are making available for any that would like to read it before or after Enrichment. It is called Be Still,--Stress and Anxiety Management for Latter-day Saints, and we are offering copies of it to pass around.. Sign ups are going around, or contact a member of the presidency if you are interested.
We are having dinner and a guest speaker Victoria Anderson. She will be talking about stress management. She has a great book that we are making available for any that would like to read it before or after Enrichment. It is called Be Still,--Stress and Anxiety Management for Latter-day Saints, and we are offering copies of it to pass around.. Sign ups are going around, or contact a member of the presidency if you are interested.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Temple Group Change
Hey Sisters,
To coincide with the ward temple week, we will be changing the Enrichment temple group days a little bit. Instead of going the 1st and 3rd Tuesdays, we will be going the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays to the 10:00 am and 8:00pm sessions. Look for the sign ups in the binders during church on Sunday for more details!
To coincide with the ward temple week, we will be changing the Enrichment temple group days a little bit. Instead of going the 1st and 3rd Tuesdays, we will be going the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays to the 10:00 am and 8:00pm sessions. Look for the sign ups in the binders during church on Sunday for more details!
Nagging Our Kids?
How often should I ask and re-ask my child to do a job before I am told that I am nagging?
Ask only once. The problem with nagging is that it is ineffective. It doesn’t work. It just sets up a “make me do it” situation. If you have received a commitment from the child that he will do a job and you know that he is unlikely to do it, the best method to initial success it to “watch him until you are obeyed.”
Let’s say John is supposed to clean the toilet on Saturday morning before playing video games. You find him playing his video games in the basement with the toilet still dirty. You go into his bedroom, ask him to turn off the video game, sit down on the bed together, and indicate,
“John, at family council on Sunday you committed to clean your toilet on Saturday morning before you played video games. Let’s go now and I’ll stand at the door and watch you clean the toilet. Yes, I know you know how to do it and I don’t have to watch you, but you haven’t proved yourself trustworthy to do it on your own because I found you playing video games without completely this job. Yes, I know you say that you forgot. But, it is your responsibility not to forget.
“If you have questions, you can ask me while you do the toilet and if I have comments, I can make them. From now on if you do your Saturday jobs without asking, it is all right with me to have you just come to me after they are done and I’ll check that they are done correctly. But when you don’t, I will be watching until they are done successfully. And today, because you didn’t keep your commitment, you will need to also do an extra job for me after the toilet is done. I expect you to be trustworthy to your commitments.”
Many mothers indicate that don’t have time for this kind of training. It is slow, tedious and onerous, to say the least. But children need to be taught and trained. If they are (slow as it will initially be), they are more likely to become independent and trustworthy. You are in the best position to take a few moments now to make sure things are done right by watching until you are obeyed. This is always better than spending much of your parenting years nag, nag, and nagging without good results.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com
Ask only once. The problem with nagging is that it is ineffective. It doesn’t work. It just sets up a “make me do it” situation. If you have received a commitment from the child that he will do a job and you know that he is unlikely to do it, the best method to initial success it to “watch him until you are obeyed.”
Let’s say John is supposed to clean the toilet on Saturday morning before playing video games. You find him playing his video games in the basement with the toilet still dirty. You go into his bedroom, ask him to turn off the video game, sit down on the bed together, and indicate,
“John, at family council on Sunday you committed to clean your toilet on Saturday morning before you played video games. Let’s go now and I’ll stand at the door and watch you clean the toilet. Yes, I know you know how to do it and I don’t have to watch you, but you haven’t proved yourself trustworthy to do it on your own because I found you playing video games without completely this job. Yes, I know you say that you forgot. But, it is your responsibility not to forget.
“If you have questions, you can ask me while you do the toilet and if I have comments, I can make them. From now on if you do your Saturday jobs without asking, it is all right with me to have you just come to me after they are done and I’ll check that they are done correctly. But when you don’t, I will be watching until they are done successfully. And today, because you didn’t keep your commitment, you will need to also do an extra job for me after the toilet is done. I expect you to be trustworthy to your commitments.”
Many mothers indicate that don’t have time for this kind of training. It is slow, tedious and onerous, to say the least. But children need to be taught and trained. If they are (slow as it will initially be), they are more likely to become independent and trustworthy. You are in the best position to take a few moments now to make sure things are done right by watching until you are obeyed. This is always better than spending much of your parenting years nag, nag, and nagging without good results.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com
Monday, July 13, 2009
Ward Temple Night
Hello Ward Members,
With only half of the year left to reach our ward goals of completing the ordinance work for 600 people, including sealing to spouse cards, we need your help. We invite you to help us find and complete the work for our ancestors.
Currently, we have around 200 individual ordinance cards with a majority of them only needing sealing work to complete. If you would like to help us complete this work will you fill out the form below, so we know who is able to attend the temple this month and complete these cards. This way we can reserve for you the number of cards with the ordinances you would like to do.
Ward Temple Night has changed. It has moved to the week before Fast Sunday. So, please put August 1st on your calendars. For those who are able to attend on Saturday and want to attend an endowment session, we are meeting in the chapel for the 5:30pm session. Please bring your temple cards or sign up below to help complete other ward members temple cards. If you are not able to attend at this time we invite you to go during the week.
I've invited you to fill out the form Help complete temple cards in the ward. To fill it out, visit:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dEg2TlFIR0dPTWtreDBxREU4a0Z1aVE6MA..
Please forward this email to others in the ward who did not receive it. Also, you may complete the form multiple times for different types of ordinances.
Also, here is the link to our Ward Family History Progress and Goals:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=pPc-KpqYpQdIIoX1iXaYjNg&hl=en
Anyone may add their name to the bottom of the list and add the number of cards that need work and the number of them they have completed since the beginning of this year. If you have any question, comments, or need help, please don't hesitate to let me know.
Sincerely,
Gordon Roylance
gjroylance@gmail.com
With only half of the year left to reach our ward goals of completing the ordinance work for 600 people, including sealing to spouse cards, we need your help. We invite you to help us find and complete the work for our ancestors.
Currently, we have around 200 individual ordinance cards with a majority of them only needing sealing work to complete. If you would like to help us complete this work will you fill out the form below, so we know who is able to attend the temple this month and complete these cards. This way we can reserve for you the number of cards with the ordinances you would like to do.
Ward Temple Night has changed. It has moved to the week before Fast Sunday. So, please put August 1st on your calendars. For those who are able to attend on Saturday and want to attend an endowment session, we are meeting in the chapel for the 5:30pm session. Please bring your temple cards or sign up below to help complete other ward members temple cards. If you are not able to attend at this time we invite you to go during the week.
I've invited you to fill out the form Help complete temple cards in the ward. To fill it out, visit:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dEg2TlFIR0dPTWtreDBxREU4a0Z1aVE6MA..
Please forward this email to others in the ward who did not receive it. Also, you may complete the form multiple times for different types of ordinances.
Also, here is the link to our Ward Family History Progress and Goals:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=pPc-KpqYpQdIIoX1iXaYjNg&hl=en
Anyone may add their name to the bottom of the list and add the number of cards that need work and the number of them they have completed since the beginning of this year. If you have any question, comments, or need help, please don't hesitate to let me know.
Sincerely,
Gordon Roylance
gjroylance@gmail.com
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Public Discipline.
How do you handle discipline when you are in a public setting? For example, my son was biting his brother on the back as the deacon was standing there to pass them the bread during sacrament meeting. I was horrified! I took him outside, but I didn't feel like I could properly punish him in church where we weren't at home for a time out. This is only one example, but even at the store, or at another home it gets tricky.
As a side note, any ideas on how to stop biting? We thought we he had stopped, but it is coming back when he is extremely frustrated. (If you know anything about the love languages, his is touch.)
Thanks
Sister A
As much as possible, you should avoid disciplining in a public setting. First, it is not effective because you have to restrain the normal methods you usually use, and second, with an audience, the child often takes advantage of the situation to further embarrass you.
So, the first rule of public discipline is to remove the child to the most private circumstances possible to make the initial intercession. If the situation is acceptable to you, full discipline can happen here. If not, the wrong behavior is discussed, the fact that discipline will be administered at home is shared (when applicable), the child is asked if they would like to try again to behave, and you return to the public situation.
Often the child repeats the behavior almost immediately after returning to the public situation. If this happens, remove the child completely from the situation and return home (if you can). While this will be inconvenient if you are in church or at the store, it usually only takes one, two, or maybe three times for the child to understand that Mom means business. Each time the child disobeys, take the same disciplinary action (as nearly as possible). Children are smart and they soon get the point.
Often misbehavior is a dominance issue between child and parent. You must build solid walls of discipline for the child’s safety and security. If you say one thing, follow through. If you say another thing, follow through. If you say no, you must mean it. If you promise something, keep your promise. This way the child knows he can trust you to be consistent.
Now, about biting. This is the most difficult challenge for most parents because the common method of doing to the child what he does to others isn’t so easily accomplished because we are softies at heart and can hardly conceive of biting our child to teach them not to bite. So whatever discipline method you decide to use, it must be strong enough that it less desirable to continue biting than to refrain from biting. This is the principle: the child must not want to bite any more because the consequences are more disagreeable than the pleasure of biting. Yes, I know you think they don’t have any control over themselves yet and are just biting in a moment of passion. It has been my experience that strong enough discipline will quickly change their minds and methods.
Remember, be around after the disciplining, too, so immediate reconciliation can take place. At their deepest level, children want to please you. When they have done wrong and they know it, after appropriate discipline hug and reaffirm that they are loved and needed your family. They are not bad, just their behavior is.
Thanks. Sister M
Please feel free to send your questions to marie@houseoforder.com
As a side note, any ideas on how to stop biting? We thought we he had stopped, but it is coming back when he is extremely frustrated. (If you know anything about the love languages, his is touch.)
Thanks
Sister A
As much as possible, you should avoid disciplining in a public setting. First, it is not effective because you have to restrain the normal methods you usually use, and second, with an audience, the child often takes advantage of the situation to further embarrass you.
So, the first rule of public discipline is to remove the child to the most private circumstances possible to make the initial intercession. If the situation is acceptable to you, full discipline can happen here. If not, the wrong behavior is discussed, the fact that discipline will be administered at home is shared (when applicable), the child is asked if they would like to try again to behave, and you return to the public situation.
Often the child repeats the behavior almost immediately after returning to the public situation. If this happens, remove the child completely from the situation and return home (if you can). While this will be inconvenient if you are in church or at the store, it usually only takes one, two, or maybe three times for the child to understand that Mom means business. Each time the child disobeys, take the same disciplinary action (as nearly as possible). Children are smart and they soon get the point.
Often misbehavior is a dominance issue between child and parent. You must build solid walls of discipline for the child’s safety and security. If you say one thing, follow through. If you say another thing, follow through. If you say no, you must mean it. If you promise something, keep your promise. This way the child knows he can trust you to be consistent.
Now, about biting. This is the most difficult challenge for most parents because the common method of doing to the child what he does to others isn’t so easily accomplished because we are softies at heart and can hardly conceive of biting our child to teach them not to bite. So whatever discipline method you decide to use, it must be strong enough that it less desirable to continue biting than to refrain from biting. This is the principle: the child must not want to bite any more because the consequences are more disagreeable than the pleasure of biting. Yes, I know you think they don’t have any control over themselves yet and are just biting in a moment of passion. It has been my experience that strong enough discipline will quickly change their minds and methods.
Remember, be around after the disciplining, too, so immediate reconciliation can take place. At their deepest level, children want to please you. When they have done wrong and they know it, after appropriate discipline hug and reaffirm that they are loved and needed your family. They are not bad, just their behavior is.
Thanks. Sister M
Please feel free to send your questions to marie@houseoforder.com
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Enrichment Has Changed!
We want everyone to be clear on the new schedule for Enrichment. We will be having 4 quarterly Enrichment Activities. The next one will be in September. We would like everyone to attend these quarterly meetings. We are also offering what we call interest groups on an ongoing basis. As of right now these include a lunch in the park group, a temple group and a scripture study group. These are offered as optional activities. If you feel they will benefit you please participate. If not, there is no pressure. Look for the sign ups in the binders on Sunday.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Ward 4th of July Party.
Don't forget...this Friday evening at 5:45 is our Primary parade. Meet at the park behind the Coombs'. Please have your scooters, bikes, etc. already decorated before you arrive. Parents of young children are invited to walk with them. The parade will begin at 6:00.
Dinner will be served at Wimbleton Park right after the parade. Please bring a Potluck to share. Come ready to have fun and get wet!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday... "A Day of Rest"?
Question: How do you make a nice meal for your family on Sunday and not have it take your Sunday? When we get home from church I feed my kids a light snack and then I prepare the meal that we will eat around 5:00 to 6:00. I usually try to do easy meals but yet I feel that I am in the kitchen all day. I even get my kids to help but it doesn't cut the time down. By the time I clean up from the morning dishes and snack, then I cook the main dinner and then clean up from that, I feel that I do not have a "day of rest". Any insights????
Thanks for your help, M
Answer: While every family is different, many family’s Sunday meal preparations take up a good chunk of Sunday and seemed to distract from family time together. I would suggest several ideas to change this:
Cook a crock pot meal on weekday evening which you double in size. Then use the leftovers for Sunday’s needs. For instance, make up a nice roast beef stew in the crock pot, serve it on Thursday evening, and then heat it again in the crock pot Sunday afternoon and serve it again to minimize Sunday meal preparations.
Cook Breakfast for Dinner on Sunday. This method is particularly useful in a busy family’s life because it is easy, short, and fun. You might rotate pancakes, waffles, German pancakes, and French toast through the four Sundays of the month with pre-cooked bacon and/or sausage, fresh fruit (prepared on Saturday), and oven-baked hash browns.
Most importantly, don’t be a maid on Sunday. It is useful to include your spouse, when he is home, in the meal preparations and cleanup as this example is very useful to encourage your children to also help. If he does something to help prepare and something to help clean up, then each child could also do somethings before and after so lighten your load.
Take care now, M
Any questions, please write me at marie@houseoforder.com
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Parenting Wisdom From Marie Ricks.
Question: My son said he doesn't want to write a journal any more because as he's getting older he's got more "bad things" or "challenges" and his days aren't always sunny. He said he doesn't want to write about things that "s*ck" and he doesn't want to remember them either. I've talked with him, but he's very stubborn. Any ideas? D
Answer: Whenever our children are asked to keep a commandment of the Lord several things must be in place for success.
1) One or both parents must be modeling the behavior in front of the child, particularly the father. Is this happening?
2) There must be a time set aside for keeping the commandment, in this case journal writing, aside from any other conflicts or distractions (friends, TV, play). For example, Sunday between meetings is a good time for journal writing, especially if all journal writers received an incentive to do so, maybe dessert for dinner.
3) A family home evening teaching this gospel principle, its purpose, and the value of journaling by leaders like Wilford Woodruff and Spencer W. Kimball can help set a pattern of Church leadership. You might have each of your children in charge of learning about which of our modern prophets kept journals and telling their story as part of this family home evening.
You might look for a local journalist. If your son wants to see our journals, he is welcome to visit. I have kept a daily journal since 1979 when President Spencer W. Kimball asked us to begin writing the events of our days and the spiritual experiences of our life. It is one of the best decisions I ever made because my life and experiences will last long past my time for it is all written down. Such a visit might impress a young person to also keep a journal.
Take care now, M
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)