Balancing Life...

My husband is very weighed down with the responsibilities of provider of the family, spending time with the children and me, and his church calling. I work very, very hard around the house trying to make sure that he has minimal chores and "honey-dos" around the house. I do almost all the yard work, my husband doesn't wash a dish, nor fold an item of laundry. It's not that he is against it, he just does not have time. To ease his load I try to ensure that he seldom to never has to do any household work. However, he is still stressed out. I feel I can't do any thing more to take things off his plate. How can he keep a balance and enjoy life, and I not feel like the hired help when I do everything around here? Sister A

Dear Sister A,

I have several suggestions to improve your current situation. First, a man should be doing something around the home every day and every week. This is because his children need to know that he is contributing to the family. Yes, they hear about him going off to "work" and then off to "church duties" but they also need to see that he helps Mom a bit. Working with Dad at housework and yard chores is also useful because it teaches by modeling. This, more than alot of talking and persuading, will help your children also want to contribute in the home.

I like your desire to make his life easy, but I also see that you are nearing burnout. There is a fine balance when our sacrifices are too significant and thus cause us to get burned, too. Our health suffers, our attitude worsens, and our souls shrivel. I would take the opportunity during a date night together to discuss with your spouse the balance which is best for your current situation. Work asks alot; church callings ask more. Extra-curricular activities, extended family obligations and desires to attend the temple, to visiting and home teaching early, and fulfill church callings to the maximum also draw from us. Remember, it is up to you to say "no", "sorry, this is not a good time", "thanks for asking but another time would be better", and "I'll have to think about that and get back to you". Your soul must be somewhat full so it can shed light onto others and fill their souls. This means some good judgment and mostly pulling back (10% is a good goal) to gain perspective, time to walk instead of always be running, and the opportunity to be a "nice" mom again. May the Lord bless your efforts. Listen carefully for answers to your prayers. They come from unexpected directions and when followed will allow you to keep up without burning down.

Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.