Nagging Our Kids?

How often should I ask and re-ask my child to do a job before I am told that I am nagging?

Ask only once. The problem with nagging is that it is ineffective. It doesn’t work. It just sets up a “make me do it” situation. If you have received a commitment from the child that he will do a job and you know that he is unlikely to do it, the best method to initial success it to “watch him until you are obeyed.”

Let’s say John is supposed to clean the toilet on Saturday morning before playing video games. You find him playing his video games in the basement with the toilet still dirty. You go into his bedroom, ask him to turn off the video game, sit down on the bed together, and indicate,

“John, at family council on Sunday you committed to clean your toilet on Saturday morning before you played video games. Let’s go now and I’ll stand at the door and watch you clean the toilet. Yes, I know you know how to do it and I don’t have to watch you, but you haven’t proved yourself trustworthy to do it on your own because I found you playing video games without completely this job. Yes, I know you say that you forgot. But, it is your responsibility not to forget.

“If you have questions, you can ask me while you do the toilet and if I have comments, I can make them. From now on if you do your Saturday jobs without asking, it is all right with me to have you just come to me after they are done and I’ll check that they are done correctly. But when you don’t, I will be watching until they are done successfully. And today, because you didn’t keep your commitment, you will need to also do an extra job for me after the toilet is done. I expect you to be trustworthy to your commitments.”

Many mothers indicate that don’t have time for this kind of training. It is slow, tedious and onerous, to say the least. But children need to be taught and trained. If they are (slow as it will initially be), they are more likely to become independent and trustworthy. You are in the best position to take a few moments now to make sure things are done right by watching until you are obeyed. This is always better than spending much of your parenting years nag, nag, and nagging without good results.

Take care now, Sister M

Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com