Public Discipline.

How do you handle discipline when you are in a public setting? For example, my son was biting his brother on the back as the deacon was standing there to pass them the bread during sacrament meeting. I was horrified! I took him outside, but I didn't feel like I could properly punish him in church where we weren't at home for a time out. This is only one example, but even at the store, or at another home it gets tricky.

As a side note, any ideas on how to stop biting? We thought we he had stopped, but it is coming back when he is extremely frustrated. (If you know anything about the love languages, his is touch.)

Thanks
Sister A

As much as possible, you should avoid disciplining in a public setting. First, it is not effective because you have to restrain the normal methods you usually use, and second, with an audience, the child often takes advantage of the situation to further embarrass you.

So, the first rule of public discipline is to remove the child to the most private circumstances possible to make the initial intercession. If the situation is acceptable to you, full discipline can happen here. If not, the wrong behavior is discussed, the fact that discipline will be administered at home is shared (when applicable), the child is asked if they would like to try again to behave, and you return to the public situation.

Often the child repeats the behavior almost immediately after returning to the public situation. If this happens, remove the child completely from the situation and return home (if you can). While this will be inconvenient if you are in church or at the store, it usually only takes one, two, or maybe three times for the child to understand that Mom means business. Each time the child disobeys, take the same disciplinary action (as nearly as possible). Children are smart and they soon get the point.

Often misbehavior is a dominance issue between child and parent. You must build solid walls of discipline for the child’s safety and security. If you say one thing, follow through. If you say another thing, follow through. If you say no, you must mean it. If you promise something, keep your promise. This way the child knows he can trust you to be consistent.

Now, about biting. This is the most difficult challenge for most parents because the common method of doing to the child what he does to others isn’t so easily accomplished because we are softies at heart and can hardly conceive of biting our child to teach them not to bite. So whatever discipline method you decide to use, it must be strong enough that it less desirable to continue biting than to refrain from biting. This is the principle: the child must not want to bite any more because the consequences are more disagreeable than the pleasure of biting. Yes, I know you think they don’t have any control over themselves yet and are just biting in a moment of passion. It has been my experience that strong enough discipline will quickly change their minds and methods.

Remember, be around after the disciplining, too, so immediate reconciliation can take place. At their deepest level, children want to please you. When they have done wrong and they know it, after appropriate discipline hug and reaffirm that they are loved and needed your family. They are not bad, just their behavior is.


Thanks. Sister M
Please feel free to send your questions to marie@houseoforder.com