Friday, July 31, 2009
Enrichment Group Changes..Again!
Sorry to do this again but we will be changing the temple group back to the first Tuesday of the month (10:00 am session), and the third Tuesday of the month (8:00 pm session). We also are changing the picnic at the park from every Monday to every Thursday at 11:30 at the North Canterbury Park.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Ward Campout & Chili Cook-off
Come join us for the ward campout and chili cook-off August 7th-8th at Little Deer Creek Campground (near Cascade Springs). Dinner will be at 6:00 pm on Friday and breakfast at 8:30 am on Saturday. If you can't campout, at least join us for a meal or two. It takes about an hour to get there, so plan accordingly. Directions will be given out prior to the activity. Sign-ups will be going around for the chili contest, Dutch oven desserts, and family skits.
Monday, July 27, 2009
How can piano practice be more painless?
My husband and I decided a long time ago that our children could choose their extra-curricular activities and we would try to accommodate their interests and goals in life. We decided that our children would also be allowed to decide when they quit an activity (as long as they had given the activity sufficient time and effort and had met the commitment they had made i.e. stick with the team until the season's over.)
We made an exception to that rule on THE PIANO. This, we decided, was a non-negotiable activity. All our children will learn the piano. But, you guessed it, our kids hate the piano. We have tried to incentiv-ize the piano, we have tried making it fun, we have tried making it part of the daily routine, so that it seems like just another task in the day. However, our children (particularly one child) will have a crying jag about piano practice at least once a week. I am still firmly decided on them learning the piano, any great ideas to making this more painless? Sister A
Dear Sister A,
You are wise in allowing your children optional extra-curricular activities and setting parameters for both quitting and keeping commitments. You are also prudent to have piano practicing be a non-optional activity. I say that because learning a musical instrument has so many long-term benefits.
Now, what I really see as your challenge is how to motivate your children to do something they don’t want to do. What you do have to do is give your children a reason to practice the piano. The principle here is that children will do anything if the benefits are worth the misery. It is not the same with us? We seem to do whatever benefits us most, even if the cost is dear in other areas of our lives.
I would talk with your children and work out a simple plan for rewarding them for 1) practicing each weekday, 2) for practicing without being reminded, 3) for practicing without complaining, 4) for cleaning up the piano area after their practicing time, and 5) for returning and reporting that the piano practicing is done and the area is clean.
You might have a family counsel about this issues, explaining that hard things are made easier with rewards along the way and then choose as a family how to best make piano practicing the most desirable activity in your home.
For example, a wise mother might assign one point to each of the above skills: practicing, self-initiative, no complaining, cleaning up, and returning and reporting. Marbles, checker pieces, or fake money might be the tokens that are given at the end of each practice session. (Yes, a mother needs to be involved with the initial training period and occasionally thereafter as her children continue to practice the piano.) A child who has 15 points to spend at the end of the week might be allowed to watch a family video on Friday night with popcorn. Anyone who hasn’t earned enough points gets to play elsewhere in the home, but will have a chance for movies next time.
There are other example and possibilities, but the principle, again, is that piano practicing must the most important activity your child will want to do each day! Give them a good reason to do so.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
We made an exception to that rule on THE PIANO. This, we decided, was a non-negotiable activity. All our children will learn the piano. But, you guessed it, our kids hate the piano. We have tried to incentiv-ize the piano, we have tried making it fun, we have tried making it part of the daily routine, so that it seems like just another task in the day. However, our children (particularly one child) will have a crying jag about piano practice at least once a week. I am still firmly decided on them learning the piano, any great ideas to making this more painless? Sister A
Dear Sister A,
You are wise in allowing your children optional extra-curricular activities and setting parameters for both quitting and keeping commitments. You are also prudent to have piano practicing be a non-optional activity. I say that because learning a musical instrument has so many long-term benefits.
Now, what I really see as your challenge is how to motivate your children to do something they don’t want to do. What you do have to do is give your children a reason to practice the piano. The principle here is that children will do anything if the benefits are worth the misery. It is not the same with us? We seem to do whatever benefits us most, even if the cost is dear in other areas of our lives.
I would talk with your children and work out a simple plan for rewarding them for 1) practicing each weekday, 2) for practicing without being reminded, 3) for practicing without complaining, 4) for cleaning up the piano area after their practicing time, and 5) for returning and reporting that the piano practicing is done and the area is clean.
You might have a family counsel about this issues, explaining that hard things are made easier with rewards along the way and then choose as a family how to best make piano practicing the most desirable activity in your home.
For example, a wise mother might assign one point to each of the above skills: practicing, self-initiative, no complaining, cleaning up, and returning and reporting. Marbles, checker pieces, or fake money might be the tokens that are given at the end of each practice session. (Yes, a mother needs to be involved with the initial training period and occasionally thereafter as her children continue to practice the piano.) A child who has 15 points to spend at the end of the week might be allowed to watch a family video on Friday night with popcorn. Anyone who hasn’t earned enough points gets to play elsewhere in the home, but will have a chance for movies next time.
There are other example and possibilities, but the principle, again, is that piano practicing must the most important activity your child will want to do each day! Give them a good reason to do so.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Balancing Life...
My husband is very weighed down with the responsibilities of provider of the family, spending time with the children and me, and his church calling. I work very, very hard around the house trying to make sure that he has minimal chores and "honey-dos" around the house. I do almost all the yard work, my husband doesn't wash a dish, nor fold an item of laundry. It's not that he is against it, he just does not have time. To ease his load I try to ensure that he seldom to never has to do any household work. However, he is still stressed out. I feel I can't do any thing more to take things off his plate. How can he keep a balance and enjoy life, and I not feel like the hired help when I do everything around here? Sister A
Dear Sister A,
I have several suggestions to improve your current situation. First, a man should be doing something around the home every day and every week. This is because his children need to know that he is contributing to the family. Yes, they hear about him going off to "work" and then off to "church duties" but they also need to see that he helps Mom a bit. Working with Dad at housework and yard chores is also useful because it teaches by modeling. This, more than alot of talking and persuading, will help your children also want to contribute in the home.
I like your desire to make his life easy, but I also see that you are nearing burnout. There is a fine balance when our sacrifices are too significant and thus cause us to get burned, too. Our health suffers, our attitude worsens, and our souls shrivel. I would take the opportunity during a date night together to discuss with your spouse the balance which is best for your current situation. Work asks alot; church callings ask more. Extra-curricular activities, extended family obligations and desires to attend the temple, to visiting and home teaching early, and fulfill church callings to the maximum also draw from us. Remember, it is up to you to say "no", "sorry, this is not a good time", "thanks for asking but another time would be better", and "I'll have to think about that and get back to you". Your soul must be somewhat full so it can shed light onto others and fill their souls. This means some good judgment and mostly pulling back (10% is a good goal) to gain perspective, time to walk instead of always be running, and the opportunity to be a "nice" mom again. May the Lord bless your efforts. Listen carefully for answers to your prayers. They come from unexpected directions and when followed will allow you to keep up without burning down.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
Dear Sister A,
I have several suggestions to improve your current situation. First, a man should be doing something around the home every day and every week. This is because his children need to know that he is contributing to the family. Yes, they hear about him going off to "work" and then off to "church duties" but they also need to see that he helps Mom a bit. Working with Dad at housework and yard chores is also useful because it teaches by modeling. This, more than alot of talking and persuading, will help your children also want to contribute in the home.
I like your desire to make his life easy, but I also see that you are nearing burnout. There is a fine balance when our sacrifices are too significant and thus cause us to get burned, too. Our health suffers, our attitude worsens, and our souls shrivel. I would take the opportunity during a date night together to discuss with your spouse the balance which is best for your current situation. Work asks alot; church callings ask more. Extra-curricular activities, extended family obligations and desires to attend the temple, to visiting and home teaching early, and fulfill church callings to the maximum also draw from us. Remember, it is up to you to say "no", "sorry, this is not a good time", "thanks for asking but another time would be better", and "I'll have to think about that and get back to you". Your soul must be somewhat full so it can shed light onto others and fill their souls. This means some good judgment and mostly pulling back (10% is a good goal) to gain perspective, time to walk instead of always be running, and the opportunity to be a "nice" mom again. May the Lord bless your efforts. Listen carefully for answers to your prayers. They come from unexpected directions and when followed will allow you to keep up without burning down.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Just Breathe!
Quarterly Enrichment Activity September 9th at 6:30- “Just Breathe”
We are having dinner and a guest speaker Victoria Anderson. She will be talking about stress management. She has a great book that we are making available for any that would like to read it before or after Enrichment. It is called Be Still,--Stress and Anxiety Management for Latter-day Saints, and we are offering copies of it to pass around.. Sign ups are going around, or contact a member of the presidency if you are interested.
We are having dinner and a guest speaker Victoria Anderson. She will be talking about stress management. She has a great book that we are making available for any that would like to read it before or after Enrichment. It is called Be Still,--Stress and Anxiety Management for Latter-day Saints, and we are offering copies of it to pass around.. Sign ups are going around, or contact a member of the presidency if you are interested.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Temple Group Change
Hey Sisters,
To coincide with the ward temple week, we will be changing the Enrichment temple group days a little bit. Instead of going the 1st and 3rd Tuesdays, we will be going the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays to the 10:00 am and 8:00pm sessions. Look for the sign ups in the binders during church on Sunday for more details!
To coincide with the ward temple week, we will be changing the Enrichment temple group days a little bit. Instead of going the 1st and 3rd Tuesdays, we will be going the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays to the 10:00 am and 8:00pm sessions. Look for the sign ups in the binders during church on Sunday for more details!
Nagging Our Kids?
How often should I ask and re-ask my child to do a job before I am told that I am nagging?
Ask only once. The problem with nagging is that it is ineffective. It doesn’t work. It just sets up a “make me do it” situation. If you have received a commitment from the child that he will do a job and you know that he is unlikely to do it, the best method to initial success it to “watch him until you are obeyed.”
Let’s say John is supposed to clean the toilet on Saturday morning before playing video games. You find him playing his video games in the basement with the toilet still dirty. You go into his bedroom, ask him to turn off the video game, sit down on the bed together, and indicate,
“John, at family council on Sunday you committed to clean your toilet on Saturday morning before you played video games. Let’s go now and I’ll stand at the door and watch you clean the toilet. Yes, I know you know how to do it and I don’t have to watch you, but you haven’t proved yourself trustworthy to do it on your own because I found you playing video games without completely this job. Yes, I know you say that you forgot. But, it is your responsibility not to forget.
“If you have questions, you can ask me while you do the toilet and if I have comments, I can make them. From now on if you do your Saturday jobs without asking, it is all right with me to have you just come to me after they are done and I’ll check that they are done correctly. But when you don’t, I will be watching until they are done successfully. And today, because you didn’t keep your commitment, you will need to also do an extra job for me after the toilet is done. I expect you to be trustworthy to your commitments.”
Many mothers indicate that don’t have time for this kind of training. It is slow, tedious and onerous, to say the least. But children need to be taught and trained. If they are (slow as it will initially be), they are more likely to become independent and trustworthy. You are in the best position to take a few moments now to make sure things are done right by watching until you are obeyed. This is always better than spending much of your parenting years nag, nag, and nagging without good results.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com
Ask only once. The problem with nagging is that it is ineffective. It doesn’t work. It just sets up a “make me do it” situation. If you have received a commitment from the child that he will do a job and you know that he is unlikely to do it, the best method to initial success it to “watch him until you are obeyed.”
Let’s say John is supposed to clean the toilet on Saturday morning before playing video games. You find him playing his video games in the basement with the toilet still dirty. You go into his bedroom, ask him to turn off the video game, sit down on the bed together, and indicate,
“John, at family council on Sunday you committed to clean your toilet on Saturday morning before you played video games. Let’s go now and I’ll stand at the door and watch you clean the toilet. Yes, I know you know how to do it and I don’t have to watch you, but you haven’t proved yourself trustworthy to do it on your own because I found you playing video games without completely this job. Yes, I know you say that you forgot. But, it is your responsibility not to forget.
“If you have questions, you can ask me while you do the toilet and if I have comments, I can make them. From now on if you do your Saturday jobs without asking, it is all right with me to have you just come to me after they are done and I’ll check that they are done correctly. But when you don’t, I will be watching until they are done successfully. And today, because you didn’t keep your commitment, you will need to also do an extra job for me after the toilet is done. I expect you to be trustworthy to your commitments.”
Many mothers indicate that don’t have time for this kind of training. It is slow, tedious and onerous, to say the least. But children need to be taught and trained. If they are (slow as it will initially be), they are more likely to become independent and trustworthy. You are in the best position to take a few moments now to make sure things are done right by watching until you are obeyed. This is always better than spending much of your parenting years nag, nag, and nagging without good results.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com
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