Thursday, October 29, 2009
"Acts of Service Kindness Tree"
This year we hope that we have all had a chance to “Yield our Hearts unto God.” As we conclude this year, we ask each of you to choose an act of service from the “Acts of Kindness Tree” and serve one another. We will be asking you to share examples of how these acts of service and monthly ward themes have touched your hearts. We would love to have children's drawings, written stories, and any expressions that can fit on a half sheet of paper. Please return these experiences to a member of the Relief Society Presidency by December 1st. These experiences will be recorded in a ward keepsake book. Please limit them to half a sheet of paper or email your thoughts to allisonbryceowen@yahoo.com.
Siblings Sharing With Siblings...
How can I get my children to have more love for one another and show it more often? How can they become more charitable towards their family members?
Sharing and caring is not natural to most young children, but there is a way to help this principle become more a part of their characters. Simple, repetitive experiences in sharing will go a long way to move a child to understand the tremendous importance of patience, splitting treasures down the middle for another’s enjoyment, and giving up what they own to another.
We introduce this skill by helping young children desire to share temporarily, to share by dividing, and then to share by giving away. Most children don’t learn the skill of sharing until they feel a sense of ownership. In other words, real sharing can only follow real ownership. So first you help the child to understand that, yes, his birthday gifts belong to him. Yes, they are his to use as he desires, and yes he may not choose to share right away. It is important he have a period of feeling in control of his possessions for then he can truly share them.
At the same time, to teach the skill of sharing, you can also casually converse by using sharing examples from your own life. So when Jared refuses to share his new toys with his brothers, you might say, “Wow, I sure appreciate it when someone shares with me. Just last night, Dad divided his cake in half and gave me part to eat. And yesterday, Marci let Jason hold her special doll for a minute, and Friday Elizabeth decided to give away two books she had finished reading.”
Then, to continue to impress the need for this skill in the lives of your children, you can generously share with them. “Jared, there is only one peach left and I know that you really like fresh peaches. I would be happy to split it with you. Here, take this bigger half.” Over and over again, you model sharing. You share with your spouse, with your peers, and with your children. You also talk about sharing whenever possible. It is only then that you can begin to impress the need for sharing upon your children.
When teaching the variabilities of sharing, first teach children how to share when there will be no personal loss.
For example, two children might each be given six crackers in a clear Ziploc bag, but each child has a unique kind of cracker. By each sharing three crackers with their companion they each still have six crackers, just three of each kind.
After children feel comfortable with sharing when there will be differences but not loss, then give children the chance to share when there will be no personal loss, but the results will not be even.
For example, two children might each be given five crackers in a clear Ziploc bag, with each child having a unique kind of cracker. Now the children will still have five crackers when they share, but they will have two of one kind of cracker and three of the other kind.
Finally, give children the chance to share when they will experience some personal loss. This is an interesting situation and often one that will need to be repeated over and over again, sometimes with the children on the gain end of division, and sometimes on the loss end of division.
For example, one child might be given six crackers and the second child be given five crackers. Now when they attempt to share, the six-cracker child can divide evenly but the five-cracker child will have to decide whether to give up three and keep two or keep three while she gives up two.
Initially, offer the opportunity to the five-cracker child to share more abundantly with the second child with words such as,
“Barbara, its Jody’s birthday today. How about letting her have the extra cracker from your bag?”
Barbara may or may not share in this way, but you have modeled a possible opportunity of sharing.
Creative children might take the extra cracker and divide it in half, thus solving the problem of uneven opportunity. If they do, applaud their creativity even as they share. If they keep the majority of the crackers and share the minority of the crackers, don’t despair, there will be plenty of chances for future sharing experiences, especially if you continually provide such opportunities day to day. If the children prove to be generous, you might say,
“Barbara, you were so generous today with your crackers, I think I will give you a generous portion of dessert tonight. Wow, I was just so impressed when I saw you share in this way.”
If they don’t feel and act as generously as you would like, you could proffer,
“Barbara, sometimes sharing your extras is hard. Maybe another day you will feel more like giving up the extra cracker. And sometimes Jody will feel like giving up her abundance.”
Sharing and caring is not natural to most young children, but there is a way to help this principle become more a part of their characters. Simple, repetitive experiences in sharing will go a long way to move a child to understand the tremendous importance of patience, splitting treasures down the middle for another’s enjoyment, and giving up what they own to another.
We introduce this skill by helping young children desire to share temporarily, to share by dividing, and then to share by giving away. Most children don’t learn the skill of sharing until they feel a sense of ownership. In other words, real sharing can only follow real ownership. So first you help the child to understand that, yes, his birthday gifts belong to him. Yes, they are his to use as he desires, and yes he may not choose to share right away. It is important he have a period of feeling in control of his possessions for then he can truly share them.
At the same time, to teach the skill of sharing, you can also casually converse by using sharing examples from your own life. So when Jared refuses to share his new toys with his brothers, you might say, “Wow, I sure appreciate it when someone shares with me. Just last night, Dad divided his cake in half and gave me part to eat. And yesterday, Marci let Jason hold her special doll for a minute, and Friday Elizabeth decided to give away two books she had finished reading.”
Then, to continue to impress the need for this skill in the lives of your children, you can generously share with them. “Jared, there is only one peach left and I know that you really like fresh peaches. I would be happy to split it with you. Here, take this bigger half.” Over and over again, you model sharing. You share with your spouse, with your peers, and with your children. You also talk about sharing whenever possible. It is only then that you can begin to impress the need for sharing upon your children.
When teaching the variabilities of sharing, first teach children how to share when there will be no personal loss.
For example, two children might each be given six crackers in a clear Ziploc bag, but each child has a unique kind of cracker. By each sharing three crackers with their companion they each still have six crackers, just three of each kind.
After children feel comfortable with sharing when there will be differences but not loss, then give children the chance to share when there will be no personal loss, but the results will not be even.
For example, two children might each be given five crackers in a clear Ziploc bag, with each child having a unique kind of cracker. Now the children will still have five crackers when they share, but they will have two of one kind of cracker and three of the other kind.
Finally, give children the chance to share when they will experience some personal loss. This is an interesting situation and often one that will need to be repeated over and over again, sometimes with the children on the gain end of division, and sometimes on the loss end of division.
For example, one child might be given six crackers and the second child be given five crackers. Now when they attempt to share, the six-cracker child can divide evenly but the five-cracker child will have to decide whether to give up three and keep two or keep three while she gives up two.
Initially, offer the opportunity to the five-cracker child to share more abundantly with the second child with words such as,
“Barbara, its Jody’s birthday today. How about letting her have the extra cracker from your bag?”
Barbara may or may not share in this way, but you have modeled a possible opportunity of sharing.
Creative children might take the extra cracker and divide it in half, thus solving the problem of uneven opportunity. If they do, applaud their creativity even as they share. If they keep the majority of the crackers and share the minority of the crackers, don’t despair, there will be plenty of chances for future sharing experiences, especially if you continually provide such opportunities day to day. If the children prove to be generous, you might say,
“Barbara, you were so generous today with your crackers, I think I will give you a generous portion of dessert tonight. Wow, I was just so impressed when I saw you share in this way.”
If they don’t feel and act as generously as you would like, you could proffer,
“Barbara, sometimes sharing your extras is hard. Maybe another day you will feel more like giving up the extra cracker. And sometimes Jody will feel like giving up her abundance.”
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Getting Children to Help with Chores
What is the best way to get children to help with chores. Charts, points etc. What seems to work the best?
Parents would be wise, especially with younger children, to provide a visual aid to help the child see his progress, his accomplishes and to remind him of his jobs. Stickers on charts, colored-in graphs, or any other measuring tool that indicates to the child he is improving will provide great motivation. You may also want to associate certain jobs with certain treats. A bed made gets a big double kiss on each ear, the dishes done right and in a timely manner merits reading with Mom for ten minutes, and hanging up your towel after bathing is good for a bit of perfumed lotion for the girls and a splash of aftershave for the boys.
Children will get bored with charts and graphs if two additional elements are not present. Remember, after a while just adding stars to a chart is not enough. From the beginning, there needs to be a goal.
“David, this week we are working on making your bed in the morning. You have three other jobs during the day, too. I have made up a chart to show your jobs and you can add one gold star each time I have inspected your work and passed you off. Seven stars are good for a treat from the candy jar. Twenty-eight stars, or doing all your four jobs for a full week, merits a trip to the ice cream store with Dad.”
Also, parents need to be sensitive to children needing to move from one set of jobs to another as they mature, have a birthday, or get bored with the current motivational system. You might remove jobs they are doing quite regularly off the chart and add new ones.
“David, you have made your bed and done your other three jobs for a full month. Wow, you have also gone with Dad four times to the ice cream store! Now it is time to take those jobs off the chart and add several more. Would you be willing to empty the dishwasher in the morning of the silverware and put it away? We will make this a new entry on your job chart.
“No, we won’t have to keep adding stars for the jobs you do well. They are part of your personal habits now. But, if you keep doing your four jobs and also do this new one each day, we will add one star for your four jobs and another one for the new job you are training to do. Again, seven stars if good for a candy treat and fourteen stars, or doing all your previous jobs and also the new ones with competence, will merit another weekly trip to the ice cream store with Dad.”
Even with charts and other aids in place, children enjoy other motivators to keep it lively and interesting. For example, how about using a timer?
“Brian, can you get your job done in ten minutes and receive a chocolate chip treat? How about if we make this job worth ten chocolate chips? Every minute past ten minutes it takes you to finish the job, we will minus one chocolate chip and every minute faster you are we will add one chip?”
Or, how about using the clock as a motivator?
“Tyler, can you get the dishes done before the clock shows ‘1:11’? That will means you have 10 minutes to do a great job. I’ll even throw in a bonus sticker if you don’t complain and finish up before that clock says 1:11.”
Or how about connecting a cleanup job with an upcoming event?
“Dad has just called. Do you think we can pick up the toys in the family room before he walks in the door from work? If so, I’ll let you fill in another square on your graph? Yes, Marci, you can help, too. I’ll even pick up ten toys to help you get a good start. Ready? Let’s get started!”
Take care now, Sister M
Address your questions to marie@houseoforder.com
Parents would be wise, especially with younger children, to provide a visual aid to help the child see his progress, his accomplishes and to remind him of his jobs. Stickers on charts, colored-in graphs, or any other measuring tool that indicates to the child he is improving will provide great motivation. You may also want to associate certain jobs with certain treats. A bed made gets a big double kiss on each ear, the dishes done right and in a timely manner merits reading with Mom for ten minutes, and hanging up your towel after bathing is good for a bit of perfumed lotion for the girls and a splash of aftershave for the boys.
Children will get bored with charts and graphs if two additional elements are not present. Remember, after a while just adding stars to a chart is not enough. From the beginning, there needs to be a goal.
“David, this week we are working on making your bed in the morning. You have three other jobs during the day, too. I have made up a chart to show your jobs and you can add one gold star each time I have inspected your work and passed you off. Seven stars are good for a treat from the candy jar. Twenty-eight stars, or doing all your four jobs for a full week, merits a trip to the ice cream store with Dad.”
Also, parents need to be sensitive to children needing to move from one set of jobs to another as they mature, have a birthday, or get bored with the current motivational system. You might remove jobs they are doing quite regularly off the chart and add new ones.
“David, you have made your bed and done your other three jobs for a full month. Wow, you have also gone with Dad four times to the ice cream store! Now it is time to take those jobs off the chart and add several more. Would you be willing to empty the dishwasher in the morning of the silverware and put it away? We will make this a new entry on your job chart.
“No, we won’t have to keep adding stars for the jobs you do well. They are part of your personal habits now. But, if you keep doing your four jobs and also do this new one each day, we will add one star for your four jobs and another one for the new job you are training to do. Again, seven stars if good for a candy treat and fourteen stars, or doing all your previous jobs and also the new ones with competence, will merit another weekly trip to the ice cream store with Dad.”
Even with charts and other aids in place, children enjoy other motivators to keep it lively and interesting. For example, how about using a timer?
“Brian, can you get your job done in ten minutes and receive a chocolate chip treat? How about if we make this job worth ten chocolate chips? Every minute past ten minutes it takes you to finish the job, we will minus one chocolate chip and every minute faster you are we will add one chip?”
Or, how about using the clock as a motivator?
“Tyler, can you get the dishes done before the clock shows ‘1:11’? That will means you have 10 minutes to do a great job. I’ll even throw in a bonus sticker if you don’t complain and finish up before that clock says 1:11.”
Or how about connecting a cleanup job with an upcoming event?
“Dad has just called. Do you think we can pick up the toys in the family room before he walks in the door from work? If so, I’ll let you fill in another square on your graph? Yes, Marci, you can help, too. I’ll even pick up ten toys to help you get a good start. Ready? Let’s get started!”
Take care now, Sister M
Address your questions to marie@houseoforder.com
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