I am amazed late, at the number of people that I talk to, that all say that they feel as if they can never catch up. Is our society on fast forward? Is Satan getting the best of us by keeping us so busy? Sister M
The feelings we experience of anxiety, frustration, and stress from never being caught up are common to all women, especially in the Church. Yes, we can work faster, plan better, and keep at our tasks longer, but for the most part, I have found most women need to shed some of their current activities in order to have a more peaceful, productive life.
When I counsel women, we work to shave off 10% of their current responsibilities. This makes a tremendous difference in their workload and pressures. They actually begin to feel in control, capacitated, and productive. For instance, we lower standards for fanciness (just a handout next time they teach instead of a handout, treat, and visual aids), we work to do twice as much half as often (such as when cooking meals), and we do repetitive activities with the thought of making it professional (the usefulness of permanent lists and printed forms comes into play here).
I have also found that too many women are trying to have all of life's seasons at the same time. If you are single, enjoy that season. If you are a young mother, enjoy that season and focus on being a great mother for the next however many years. If you are an empty nester, enjoy the freedom and focus on pleasures and possibilities that only that season brings. In any season, some things have to be left undone and some things can be discarded because of lack of interest. You don't have to be like anyone else. You can be just you.
I remember the moment recently when I realized, again, that is it up to me to say "no", "later", "maybe never" when life's many possibilities crowded too close to what mattered most to me. No I won't learn to play the harp right now, yes I will accept an invitation to spend an evening out with sister, no I won't accept that party invitation but will send a gift instead. Yes, I will teach, but will ask for help with handouts and room setup. I can choose. I must. Life is sweet, but we must keep it that way with plenty of firm "nos" so we can enjoy all the possible "yeses."
Take care now, Sister M
Address your questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Children's Chores
In one of your stake classes, you mentioned a system you had for children’s chores and how you divvy those up between children. Could you give a quick reminder? Thanks! Sister J.
Yes, chores for children are so very important. A conversation I overhead last night confirmed this. A missionary was asked what had helped him prepare to serve a successful mission and his reply was having to do chores consistently at home during his growing up years.
Here are the principles. Every child should have daily chores. Smaller children so simpler jobs like push in the chairs after a meal, empty the bathroom wastebasket, make their bed, and put their toys away before dinner. Older children has more complex jobs like empty the dishwasher, clear the table after dinner, and straighten their bedroom. Teenagers’ jobs are even more weighty with jobs for fixing meals, washing dishes, putting the garbage to the street once a week, and maintaining the yard. These jobs are more plentiful during the summer and fewer during the school year. It is not so important what they do, but that they do each and every day.
Next, it is important that children learn what a job entails and how to finish it properly. A parent’s consistent supervision and insistent persuasion are vital here. I encourage parents to check their children’s work, pass it off, and compliment generously for progress made in quality of work, speed of completion, and doing chores without being asked.
Lastly, it is vital to set the example yourself. If you complain about doing laundry, having to clean up the kitchen, and cleaning the bathroom, they will pick up on your attitude. If you, instead, talk about turning a house into a home with your daily work and how much you appreciate your many blessings, especially the opportunity to be a homemaker and a mother, they will pick up on that outlook of life.
Remember, you are raising an army of God. Does your family meet the necessary standards for hard work, diligent labor, and steadiness for those will be called to serve the Lord? It is a goal worthy of some contemplation.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to HYPERLINK "mailto:marie@houseoforder.com" marie@houseoforder.com.
Yes, chores for children are so very important. A conversation I overhead last night confirmed this. A missionary was asked what had helped him prepare to serve a successful mission and his reply was having to do chores consistently at home during his growing up years.
Here are the principles. Every child should have daily chores. Smaller children so simpler jobs like push in the chairs after a meal, empty the bathroom wastebasket, make their bed, and put their toys away before dinner. Older children has more complex jobs like empty the dishwasher, clear the table after dinner, and straighten their bedroom. Teenagers’ jobs are even more weighty with jobs for fixing meals, washing dishes, putting the garbage to the street once a week, and maintaining the yard. These jobs are more plentiful during the summer and fewer during the school year. It is not so important what they do, but that they do each and every day.
Next, it is important that children learn what a job entails and how to finish it properly. A parent’s consistent supervision and insistent persuasion are vital here. I encourage parents to check their children’s work, pass it off, and compliment generously for progress made in quality of work, speed of completion, and doing chores without being asked.
Lastly, it is vital to set the example yourself. If you complain about doing laundry, having to clean up the kitchen, and cleaning the bathroom, they will pick up on your attitude. If you, instead, talk about turning a house into a home with your daily work and how much you appreciate your many blessings, especially the opportunity to be a homemaker and a mother, they will pick up on that outlook of life.
Remember, you are raising an army of God. Does your family meet the necessary standards for hard work, diligent labor, and steadiness for those will be called to serve the Lord? It is a goal worthy of some contemplation.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to HYPERLINK "mailto:marie@houseoforder.com" marie@houseoforder.com.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Enjoying Motherhood.
Any great ideas on avoiding burnout? Raising children for me is a difficult task and I don't find myself enjoying the ride as much as I should. I often feel that I was probably better suited for working outside the home, even though I have been a stay at home mom for 10 years. I know it's the better and right way, any ideas to simply enjoy my job as a mother more? Sister A
Being a mother and a wife are two of the most complex careers a woman engages in so it takes a foresighted woman to avoid burnout . My own experience has shown that a woman must take care of herself first if she is to survive and thrive through the challenges of marriage, childbearing, and child-rearing. I suggest a restructuring of your day to include (at the beginning or near the beginning) four vital areas of focus for personal fulfillment and capacity. I call these the essentials to start the day RIGHT.
Scriptures, prayer, and journaling – Somehow giving the Lord a few minutes at the beginning of the day to recalibrate your goals and desires to His own makes all the difference. Seeking His help, reading His manual, and writing out your own feelings are critical to perception and balance.
Sweat – everyone needs to move their bodies. This might be simply running up and down the stairs ten times when you first wake up because you can’t leave your home (bad weather, tiny baby, sleeping children). It might mean a more lengthy absence from the home, but it doesn’t need to be fancy or long to wake up your soul.
Sweet – shower and dress in nice clothes. (Get rid of your uglies. We all have them and they are depressing. Dress up for your children and especially your husband because they are your highest priority. I don’t mean fancy clothes, I just mean your pretties casual clothes. Then brush your hair nicely and add happy lipstick.)
Smile – you are the one that creates the tone of today. With your own needs fulfilled, you will find it easier to take care of others’ needs. (And remember to say to yourself, “I am awesome and I’m going to have an awesome day!”)
Yes, this means getting up a bit before the rest of the family so you are set and ready for them when they arise. Alternately, you might give your spouse stewardship over the family for the first half hour of the day so you can attend to your needs. When this is not possible, get everyone up and gone that is leaving and then take care of your own needs first. It seems backwards and on occasion you will still be in your pajamas at dinnertime, but for the most part get ready for the day at the beginning of the day. Burnout will lessen when you are ready to meet the challenges head on and motherhood will always be more enjoyable.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
Being a mother and a wife are two of the most complex careers a woman engages in so it takes a foresighted woman to avoid burnout . My own experience has shown that a woman must take care of herself first if she is to survive and thrive through the challenges of marriage, childbearing, and child-rearing. I suggest a restructuring of your day to include (at the beginning or near the beginning) four vital areas of focus for personal fulfillment and capacity. I call these the essentials to start the day RIGHT.
Scriptures, prayer, and journaling – Somehow giving the Lord a few minutes at the beginning of the day to recalibrate your goals and desires to His own makes all the difference. Seeking His help, reading His manual, and writing out your own feelings are critical to perception and balance.
Sweat – everyone needs to move their bodies. This might be simply running up and down the stairs ten times when you first wake up because you can’t leave your home (bad weather, tiny baby, sleeping children). It might mean a more lengthy absence from the home, but it doesn’t need to be fancy or long to wake up your soul.
Sweet – shower and dress in nice clothes. (Get rid of your uglies. We all have them and they are depressing. Dress up for your children and especially your husband because they are your highest priority. I don’t mean fancy clothes, I just mean your pretties casual clothes. Then brush your hair nicely and add happy lipstick.)
Smile – you are the one that creates the tone of today. With your own needs fulfilled, you will find it easier to take care of others’ needs. (And remember to say to yourself, “I am awesome and I’m going to have an awesome day!”)
Yes, this means getting up a bit before the rest of the family so you are set and ready for them when they arise. Alternately, you might give your spouse stewardship over the family for the first half hour of the day so you can attend to your needs. When this is not possible, get everyone up and gone that is leaving and then take care of your own needs first. It seems backwards and on occasion you will still be in your pajamas at dinnertime, but for the most part get ready for the day at the beginning of the day. Burnout will lessen when you are ready to meet the challenges head on and motherhood will always be more enjoyable.
Take care now, Sister M
Address more questions to marie@houseoforder.com.
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